Put the sliced cucumbers in a container, add rice vinegar about halfway up the slices, a splash of soy, and water the rest of the way to cover. Add the sugar and salt, give it a stir, and put it in the fridge so it has time to sit while everything else cooks.
1 pack baby cucumbers, rice vinegar, soy sauce, water, 1 tsp sugar, 2 pinches salt
Start the rice.
Mahatma basmati rice
Heat the oil in a large skillet over high heat. Add the onion, ginger, garlic, and the lemongrass if you're using it, and cook for about 2 minutes.
1 Tbsp neutral oil, 1 onion, 4 tsp ginger, 4 garlic cloves, 2 stalks lemongrass
Add the pork and beef and cook, breaking it up, until it's no longer pink. Don't drain it.
1 lb ground pork, 1 lb ground beef
Add the brown sugar, fish sauce, soy if you're using it, and the chili garlic sauce all at once.
6 Tbsp packed brown sugar, 4 Tbsp Red Boat fish sauce, soy sauce, 1 heaping Tbsp Huy Fong chili garlic sauce
Now leave it alone. Let the juices cook off until the meat starts to caramelize on the bottom. Stir, then leave it again. Repeat a few times until it's as dark and sticky as you like.
Build the bowls: rice, then meat, then the cukes, radish, and carrot alongside, with green onions over the top. Squeeze lime over it, or serve each bowl with a wedge on the side.
Mahatma basmati rice, radishes, carrots, green onions, lime wedges